First strike

Instead of factually reporting day one of the ashes, the Telegraph - that favourite rag of belching pipe smokers down the local - chose instead this.

"Australia - a few facts. It's the sixth largest country in the world, and the largest island and its people have the biggest egos, despite residing in a vast useless desert full of spiders."

hmmm. Gloves off then. I would have thought "Oh shite! The aussies are going to eat us for breakfast" would have been more appropriate. Instead, a return to the safe chortling ground of post-colonial diminution. Chortle, chortle, chortle, where's my pork pie then lovie?

Fitter, faster, sunnier, happier - stick that up your hairy empire-lusting nostril.