One-liners

- A man walks down the street with a white parrot on his linen-shirted shoulder and a poodle-on-a-leash in his right hand.
- A woman steps up to the counter of a bagel shop and says - as though rapping - "I'll take a plain toasted bagel with bacon, egg, tomaytoe and scallion."
- A west African musician raises a room to fever pitch with his kora while west African ladies shake their ample behinds in a duel with the drummer.
- In the same room people dance towards the stage and throw dollar bills at the musicians.
- A man walks down the subway platform in a pink and rainbow lycra jump suit sporting a small tutu and mangy pig tails.
- The daily tabloid runs with the price of beer at baseball games and a global stocktake of vacuous bad-girls inspired by Paris Hilton.
- At a false alarm, firemen stand still on street corners and lean laconically against their truck as if they were an art installation.
- This is New York and it is fabulous.

Roll up, roll up

It would be remiss of me not to mention the “spectacular spectacular” that is national elections in the world’s largest democracy. The feverish campaigning is giving airtime to so many voices and so many parties that I, for one, am a trifle lost. Ninety per cent of my morning papers are devoted to a
kaleidoscope of regional parties and leaders, ex-cricketers and film stars, sons and daughters of the sons and daughters of famous people, and even a few comedians thrown in for good measure. The use of acronyms is totally OOC, out-of-control. And as with elections everywhere, rhetoric, high indignation, one-liners and counter-oneliners rule the debate. Party manifestos were duly released and ignored. In the latest bout, a BJP leader called the Congress Party "an old woman who burdens the nation". Young congress princess, Priyanka Gandhi Vadra responded that she was not so old (36). Congress demanded an apology from the BJP on behalf of the old women of India - and so on and so forth.

So the big questions: Will Congress (or ‘Cong’ as the papers keep calling the 90-pound gorilla of a party) manage to win enough seats to form the core of a new coalition government, or will the BJP succeed with the same. Or will an out-of-the-box third option coalesce around ‘Dalit’ leader Mayawati – whose new house in Delhi, resplendent with a life-size stone elephant in the driveway, belies her humbler roots? With such weighty questions the talk of the town, and few Delhiwallahs able to channel 'the mind of the masses', the race has taken on all the predictability of a Melbourne Cup. So place your trifecta, swill some champas and hold on for the ride.

I’m running a prize for the best caption to this photo – 81 year old BJP leader Advani getting down. Is it just me or is he dancing? There’s even a hint of some ‘air’ vinyl scratching... perhaps he had the beastie boys on while the photographer was snapping.... thoughts?

My new favourite cab driver

I've gotten to know a tall Punjabi taxi driver called Amarjit who drives a van more suited to a very short paneer-munching taxi driver than a man raised on the flesh of lambs and chickens. He crouches in the front and hugs the steering wheel as he weaves through traffic. His life story is unusual. Growing up in Punjab he lusted for adventure and ran away to Europe. For 15 years he was a baker in Amsterdam, learnt dutch and got married to a glamorous Moroccan woman. He talks wistfully about the happy times. Then it all went pear shaped - her family had issues with his religion (three years into the marriage), he refused to convert, the Dutch authorities cottoned-on to his long holiday in the Netherlands and he was sent home. Finding himself alone in a city that preferred naan to sour dough, he reverted to driving taxis. Now he's in the hunt for a nice Indian girl to marry - but not too young. She should be 30-35 - he'd prefer "good nature" to "good looking." Keep your eyes out. In the meantime, I'm trying to pursuade him there are breadeaters aplenty in this city who'd happily drive across town for his sour dour.

Art in a basement

Living in new city is an exersize in continual discovery. Outside of my flat-bubble is a massive metropolis through whose veins pumps 22 million different stories. Occasionally I feel smugly comfortable in my new city, content in new habits and repeatedly-trodden paths. I recognise the same beggars at the lights, and they recognise me. I know a few arterials and nod knowingly as the traffic crawls to a halt around 6 each night. I come across the same cab drivers, and waiters, and guards in my neighbourhood. And then occasionally, I step off my path and am reminded that it's a BIG city and I barely know it. Today was one of those days. I discovered some magic things. In the basement of a house near the zoo (which is something I had no idea Delhi had), I met a charming old man who had collected Indian art since the early 1960s, specialising in Indian minatures. He told me the tales behind the many pictures of Krishna and Radha, lovers of irresistable beauty, as interested in imparting his knowledge as selling art. We sipped tea, he showed me the brushes used by the artists in Jaipur. On his wall was a sign - "abstract art is a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered." Not sure I agree, but there was no abstract art to be seen. Another sign read "Indian minatures are a magical world where all men are heroic, all women are beautiful and passionate and shy, beasts both wild and tame are the friends of men, and trees and flowers are conscious of the footsteps of the bridegroom as he passes by. This magic world is not unreal or fanciful, but a world of imagination and eternity, visible to all who do not refuse to see with the transfiguring eye of love." Pursuaded, I bought one... Radha and Krishna dancing in the rain. And I suspect this lovely gentleman will coax me back before long for more. Here is a segment of another beautiful picture hanging on his wall. There is so much beauty produced in this tough land.

Delhi from a minaret

Delhi is a difficult city to get your head around. It's flat, generally low rise and covers a vaste space. So it was quite exciting to climb the minaret of the Old city's spectacular mosque (Jama Masjid) and see Delhi laid out before us. In the foreground was the rabbit warren of Old Delhi, beyond that Connaught Place and the central commercial district, and then further still the power station and a glimpse of the new metropolis' of Gurgaon and Noida. At times in this city it's possible to wonder where the 22 million people of greater Delhi are hiding... This view helped.